marți, septembrie 05, 2006

Autumn drama

A trecut prima zi de toamna. Si a doua. Si a treia. Mi-a cazut prima frunza in cap si m-am mirat. Cred ca, usor-usor, pe masura ce ma afund in diverse alte treburi, incep sa ma si intorc un pic in timp. Acum ceva timp imi creeam mereu ocazii sa ma mir. Era activitatea mea preferata. O vreme nu m-am mai mirat, cred ca devenisem un pic imun la lumea inconjuratoare, greu ma mai atingea ceva. Acum incep sa ma mir din nou. De nimicuri, de maruntisurile pe langa care toti ar trece fara sa clipeasca. Eu ma opresc si ma mir. Si-mi place sa ma mir.

As vorbi despre practica de specialitate pe care am inceput s-o savarsesc intr-un cabinet de avocatura, dar n-are sens. Prefer sa vorbesc despre planurile mele. O sa scriu. Nu doar in blog, ca aici nu mai scriu asa des ca altadata, ci in doua reviste. Una apare pe hartie si isi zice Level, cealalta e momentan in reconstructie on-line si isi zice Oricum. O sa scriu despre noul meu hobby care imi mananca prea mult timp, Magic: the Gathering.

In rest, multa bere, multa plictiseala. Noroc ca am din ce in ce mai putin timp liber. Daca as sta sa adun si orele pe care le petrec invatand pentru reexaminarile de luna asta, deja e sumbru. in schimb, am dat, prin bunavointa unui prieten, de o melodie care mi se pare cel putin geniala. Prin mila Domnului si a lui Lazyboy, si-au croit drum spre timpanele mele niste mari adevaruri are societatii contemporane. Si cum asta era, candva, un alt hobby al meu (ma refer la privitul critic catre societate), uite ca fac inca un pas inapoi in timp. Versurile - mai jos.

Underwear Goes Inside The Pants

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.


Anonymous ago said...

tu la avocat, eu 66% sigur la protv. we are gonna rule da world :D

3:45 a.m.  
Blogger Woland said...

66%? e numarul diavolului! :D

5:08 p.m.  
Blogger raver said...

lol... versurile alea de fapt sunt furate dintr-un comedy central mai vechi. Din doua de fapt :)

4:13 p.m.  
Anonymous darky said...

am auzit si eu (versurile) astea la radio guerilla intr-o seara. nimic nu e mai adevarat, but you don't exactly see them doing anything about it, now do you?

8:34 p.m.  

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